Why

I guess, it’s important to explain why I’ve decided to start up a blog. I’m apprehensive because I do not want to share everything, and yet, I like having this journal of a sort. It’s prettier than basic Microsoft Word documents, and as stupid as it might sound the aesthetics of a workspace really play a significant role in my choosing it. And typing is so much more convenient than writing this on paper; my thoughts often tend to flee before I can get to penning them.

Also one of the main reasons I’ve decided to start up this blog is because I’ve come to realize…that the platform of my mind is incredibly small. My thoughts stand alone and I cannot bring them together to see the larger picture, it’s difficult. I hope writing this out will help bring some order and wisdom to them. Basically, I need to see and I feel, in a confused way, blind.

And I guess now is the part where I explain why I’ve chosen this title. missing pendant.

When I was younger, I went swimming in a lake upstate. Unfortunately, the golden pendant that was hanging from my neck, with the letter “H” on it, got lost; somehow, the necklace itself managed to remain on my neck. I was hit by that loss. Well, originally I was hit because it had great value and my mother would be/was upset that I lost it, haha. But now I feel like my true identity – the family name I associate more with, which begins with an H – is lost, and I am missing it. Even now I wish I could see it again. But now it’s a part of that lake and there’s not much I can do about it. Maybe one day I’ll go back and look for it, but it’s been years, and it’s probably buried under sand, inside some strange lake-creature’s lair, or fallen in between some rocks. I’d like to see where it is.

There’s this whole sense of being lost at sea, even if where I am is just a huge lake. But maybe I am in a sea. I guess this blog is created with the intention of at least helping me feel less lost. More like, if I were truly lost at sea, then I would be examining the constellations and taking note of them, in this blog. This is how I am treating it.

Man, I miss swimming.

Okay, I’m struggling not to get off topic here, haha. Back to why I’m doing this blog. I need to write, and I need to see, and my stomach hurts!, I blame the Maggi masala noodles with extra red chilli powder, and the pain has momentarily succeeded in distracting me….

I hope that this blog will not affect my vanity in anyway. I should remember that I am nothing and temporary. There is nothing special.

Good night.